It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking
by Sakae Kashiwagi
Summary: Our host, Sokka, speaks out. There's a lot to be said, so this may take a few episode installments. Warning: contains pointlessness.
1. Episode 1: I'm NOT dumb! Hey, meat!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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I give a warm welcome to all of my adoring fans.

This is Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe and I'm here to tell everyone what I think about my awesome show- _Avatar: The Last Airbender_… which I still think should have been named _The Boomerang Squad_, but that's just one of the many creative differences that I and the **other guys** have.

_(Other Guys: Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino, the real creators.)_

Anyway, I have noticed that some fans think that I'm rather shallow and slow in the whole thinking department. (And weak, just 'cause I'm not a bender, but I'll save that for later.) I refute that ridiculous assumption. My companions look to me for guidance. I'm the idea guy, remember?

Fans often like to point to my obsession with meat as some kind of proof than I am of lesser intelligence. Thus, I have comprised the following list to _intelligently_ support my love for meat. And if you were smart, you would eat meat too.

**Meat makes you strong.**

**Meat tastes great.**

**Meat wants you to eat it.**

**Meat is a renewable resource.**

**Girls want you to eat meat.**

**Meat is perfect.**

**We don't all want to be skinny, goofy, airbending vegetarians like Aang.**

Now, if Aang saw this wonderfully constructed and completely unbiased list of facts, he wouldn't be a leaf and nut eating weirdo.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	2. Episode 2: I'm not a Bender, so what!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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In today's episode, I, the Greatest Warrior of the South Pole, would like to discuss being a non-bender.

**It's great.**

I don't have to worry about learning any stupid techniques to get a rock to move, or to whip people with water. All I need is a trusty dagger, my club, and- my favorite- the powerful boomerang.

All you fans out there don't appreciate the skill with which I wield my weapons. You all _(and Toph)_ think I'm weak, that I couldn't possible be a threat. You are all sadly mistaken! After years of mastering my fighting style (with some help from Suki, the beautiful Kyoshi Warrior) I am a trained fighting machine!

Now excuse me while I go make muscles at myself in the water.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	3. Episode 3: I'm a Lady's Man!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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Hello and welcome to ME. That's right. ME. You wanna know why? Because: I'm awesome. I mean. The ladies LOVE me!

No one has more parings and fan driven ships than I do. I'm the best.

_(Huge roaring applause)_ Yes. I know. Thank you. Thank you.

Although ladies, I do have to say that some things just don't make any sense. I can understand you all writing crazy things about Suki and me, and I can understand you guys exploiting my love of Yue, but me and… TOPH?!

SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I was in a relationship with her. I mean, I guess it would be okay if she had a crush on me, but some people are writing _nasty_ fan fictions.

Although, I guess she has a lot of potential to grow. So the fan fictions where her and me have a relationship in the distant future is… intriguing. (Don't tell her I said that or anything.) But right now I'm really into Suki. I hate to break it to all my fan girls, but I'm kind of involved right now.

Oh, hi Suki! Here comes my girl now. We were just talking about you…

You know?

Ah! Don't throw your fan at me!

Ah! Stop it! No! No I haven't had any cactus juice! Don't you trust me?!

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	4. Episode 4: I'm NOT a Psycho Brother!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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Alright people, I have something very important to talk to you about today. It's about my little sister, Katara. Y'know, the master waterbender?

Well, I have to admit, I am protective of her. I'm a very good older brother.

But I'm not a psycho older brother.

I've seen way too many fan fictions in which I freak out at the thought of my sister being with a boy. I _know_ boys like her. It's no surprise. So, fan fiction writers, _stop_ making me look crazy and dumb. I would never overreact if a relationship of hers were presented to me.

Unless I catch her doing something she shouldn't be doing. But she wouldn't. I'm pretty sure.

Another thing- her two warring ships need to cool it. Kataang and Zutara shouldn't hate each other. They both love _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ and should love each other. We should embrace our differences.

Or we could all fight to the death and see who wins.

The whole point is that you guys saw me not care that she had a crush on Jet, even though he was crazy, and not care that Aang has a crush on her, et cetera.

_(Hm… I guess this episode was more about me…)_

Now, PLEASE stop writing me so out of character… Plus, I'm funnier than that.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	5. Episode 5: Ty Lee!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

I know I've already talked about how I'm a lady's man, but there one lady I would like to talk about.

Her name is Ty Lee and she is beautiful.

(So is my girl Suki, but I'll try not to focus on her for the sake of this episode's conversation.)

Ty Lee is a mystery to me. Sure, I know she's supposed to be a bad guy, but she keeps hitting on me while we're fighting. She's really weird. I can't help but be naturally attracted to her, I'm a healthy guy, but I wouldn't really consider having a relationship with her right now. I mean, it isn't viable. How would we ever go on dates without Azula threatening her life and forcing her to leave the circus, et cetera? (Yeah, I saw that episode.)

Also, I've seen fan fictions where her and me live happily-ever-after, and that doesn't really bother me, but that's a very distant future. I have so much to worry about right now. (Like the Fire Nation taking over, Zuko and Azula trying to kill me, getting meat, relationship problems with Suki, my unresolved feelings for Yue, being a good older brother, being the Avatar's companion, being picked on by Toph. Y'know, simple stuff like that.)

Maybe when the third season finally comes out we'll all get more of a clue as to where my relationships lie.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	6. Episode 6: Season Three!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

Okay. I know we've all seen it by now. All of us fans. True fans.

Aang's hair.

The girls are just dying over it.

But I would just like to ask, 'what's so special about it'. I've had hair this entire time and nobody said anything. You girls take me for granted.

And Aang doesn't love his fan girls like I do. Geez...

Anyway... About his hair... It's not really covering up the tattoo all the way. He's still got a big blue arrow on his forehead. So, if the hair is for Fire Nation infiltration disguise (as everyone is assuming) then it's not very effective on its own. But I'm sure Katara will have him wear a hat.

And about Fire Nation infiltration, I like the idea, but everyone seems to have already guessed that. So, I can only hope it's even better.

I know, I know. I'm Sokka, the great Water Tribe warrior main character who should already know this. And I should. I just haven't been studying my script.

But let's not focus on that. Let's focus on Sakae Kashiwagi for not posting my episodes like she should. Having a broken computer is no excuse.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	7. Episode 7: I'm on FIRE!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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Hey all! Let's talk about my brilliance in the new season of FIRE! You've all waited so long to see me in my fire nation garb and I am HOT!

But anyway, Sakae Kashiwagi is out of her mind excited with the new season. She's driving me crazy, driving me ever closer to the beautiful cactus juice bottle. She loves Aang's hair, his headband, Katara's clothes, Toph's attitude, everyone's awesome bending. But most importantly: my hilariousness.

Oh yes.

Also, about this wonderful new season: Zuko and Mai.

Wow.

Just WOW.

What a performance. They are admirable actors.

Ahem, I don't hate you. I don't hate you too. Kiss.

I didn't really see that coming. Or if I did, I didn't see it coming on so fast.

Until I read the script of course. But now that I'm allowed to talk about it (because the evil producers wouldn't let me until the episodes came out) I wanted to share my thoughts about it with my fans.

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	8. Episode 8: Zuko's In!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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Hello and good day! It's been a while, I know. Sakae Kashiwagi apologizes for me profusely.

Now, on to the subject of today's episode: Zuko. And yes, that means this episode will be full of spoilers from the third season, so if you're not caught up on my wonderful series then you should avert your eyes immediately!

Continuing…

Some say they saw it coming, some say it was inevitable, and then others, like me, said it was never going to happen. And sometimes geniuses like me, can be wrong. Because it DID happen.

Zuko is in (and not just with the fan girls). Zuko is officially in the Aang Gang by approval of Aang and begrudging tolerance of Katara. And yes, I know the Gaang has gotten rather large since… that um… terrible day… of um… failure. But I never thought Zuko would be here helping us and teaching Aang firebending.

What is even more astounding however is that he and I have… gotten along.

That whole breaking into prison, saving people, and barely breaking out again was a really good chance to get to know each other.

Yeah, the experience was very good for the whole, male bonding thing… (That doesn't sound queer, does it?)

But stay tuned for my review of the upcoming play that is coming out. It's produced by the Fire Nation and I think everyone has high expectations. I am of course, a leading role. (You knew that though, even if you haven't seen it already.)

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


	9. Episode 9: My Review: Best Play Ever!

_(Disclaimer: The following views expressed are not the sole beliefs of any affiliates, or Sakae Kashiwagi.)_

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Hello and welcome! Sakae Kashiwagi and I apologize for our long hiatus. It was so long, in fact, the Avatar series is now finished. We all celebrated and mourned together. But moving on:

Today's Special is devoted to reviewing the play _The Boy in the Iceberg_, even though it came out ages ago. Since I, Sokka, am perhaps one of the most well esteemed critics in all of the four nations, it is my duty to give my opinion on this production.

It is absolutely hilarious. Not just me, but the entire play, which is biographical in telling the Aang Gang's journey through to the Fire Nation. It even goes on to predict the failure of the Aang Gang as they are defeated by the Fire Lord, which we KNOW is not going to ever happen!

While the actor who portrayed me could have been cast better, his performance improved after I gave him some good jokes to tell. Although, I do have to say the play was a little inaccurate. I don't really tell that many '_I'm hungry, I want meat'_ jokes.

The special effects team, however, really worked hard and it paid off. I looked really good. Therefore, I give it four and a half, out of five, stars!

And that concludes today's episode of _It's Just the Cactus Juice Talking_!

Boomerang Squad out-


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